WHAT IF... Captain America was African American!?

If there's one topic that keeps popping up in terms of superhero movies lately, it's the idea of 'racebent', 'colourblind', or whatever other term you wish to label it with casting. This became something of a minor issue for the original Thor movie, when Heimdall, a character who traditionally looked something like this...

Wound up looking more like this...

And overnight became the number one way of telling who was a petty racist in the world of comic books and the movies that surround them. 

Of course, when the movie came out and the rest of the world saw what anybody who'd seen Idris Elba in anything did with the character, any murmur of the character being the wrong colour was soon forgotten (or at least sidelined to the point where the only rebut you'll ever need is a clip of Elba as Heimdall doing anything on screen) and it's also not the first, or last, time something like this has happened. Say what you like about Daredevil, but Michael Clarke Duncan's portrayal of Kingpin may well be the best representation that character we can hope for. Then of course there was Laurence Fishburne as Perry White in Man of Steel, an actor who sadly wasn't given the time to show us what he could do with that character, and the more high profile casting of Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. Yes, I know it's a direct lift from the Ultimates universe, but still the point still stands. All these actors took on characters that are traditionally seen as white, and not only did the world not come to a horrific end, but the vast majority of them were nothing short of superb. 

Now the debate rides again, coming about as a more high profile white character, the Human Torch, has been cast as black actor Michael B. Jordan. Now I have to admit, I don't really have a horse in this race. The only thing I've seen with Jordan in is Chronicle and that was a movie with problems far beyond it's acting talent. Of course, the new Fantastic Four movie also has problems of it's own beyond the race changing of a single character that worry me, but I've been catching little pieces of the debate from time to time and when I heard that John Byrne had chimed in? Morbid curiosity got the better of me and I decided to go have a look. I refuse to link to that man's forum, but here's a Bleeding Cool link that about covers it. 

Now I have to admit, I went into reading this expecting to roll my eyes at best, or want to punch my monitor at worst, but despite missing the point in places, providing a genuinely awful example of this kind of casting in other kinds of movies and eventually devolving into the worst excesses of comic book fan entitlement that he blames the public representation of fans for in an earlier paragraph there are points I actually agree with him on, and I think it's one of the most sane and reasonable things I've read from the man on this kind of issue. I mean, he didn't brand a whole gender of a single race hookers just for the colour of their hair this time, so it's progress right? I suppose if I really wanted to take him to task, I'd argue that Stan Lee is big enough and old enough to speak up for himself and a man who writes a story about Big Barda being brainwashed into making hardcore pornography is the very last person who should be lecturing others on respecting Jack Kirby's characters. So wheeling out the whole 'Spirit of what Lee and Kirby intended' is just... Bollocks, quite frankly. But I digress. 

The two things I really took away from all this is the complete agreement that Marvel and DC should be doing more to promote their minority characters. Cripes, doing more to promote their female characters would be wonderful. However I don't think giving Nick Fury an obscure, coloured SHIELD agent as a sidekick is really as powerful a step forward as having one of the top black actors of our time playing the character who is most associated with counter-intelligence in the Marvel universe. Yet I do feel like Marvel in particular could be doing so much more with the minority characters they've already introduced. While War Machine and Falcon are unlikely to be able to support their own movies (yet!) I do have to ask, why wasn't War Machine in Avengers? Pepper Potts was, and she's not even Tony's superheroic partner! Or more importantly, why is there seemingly no sign of Falcon in Avengers 2? He was still with Steve at the end of the movie, surely if there's anyone Rodgers would want to have his back it would be the man who helped him save SHIELD from itself simply because it was the right thing to do. 

The other thing Byrne's comments left me pondering was exactly what makes race important to a character, and how interchangeable it is. Hollywood is pretty ruthless with changing nationalities, or casting actors of one nationality to play a character of another, is this really any different? To me, the answer seems to be 'it depends'. Does it really matter what colour Johnny Storm's skin is? Not really, although it would be nice if they cast Sue as the same race. Yes I know even biological siblings can have different skin colour, but to be honest I'd rather they just cast them both black or both white than having to waste movie time explaining why they are as they are. The important part of Storm's character comes from his firebrand, fun loving personality and the powerful bond he shares with his family - And that's something that transcends skin colour. Heck, somebody in the comments on that article mentioned Reed Richards being played by Denzel Washington and I have to admit... I would be all over that. 

But as I climbed down the rabbit hole, there were some characters where a change of skin tone would fundamentally change them at the core. This became most apparent with time locked characters. Technically as leader of the Howling Commandos, this should have been Fury. But naturally you can't have him stealing Cap's shtick on screen, and I think this, more than his race accounts for a lot of the problems with the character Byrne brought up. He doesn't have his history, his dyed in the wool pedigree like he does in the comics - It simply doesn't work here. So really, we know very little about him other than the fact he lurks around the Helicarrier and gives orders. It's something I'd love to see them expand on, and I'm very glad he finally got some great focus in The Winter Soldier.

Speaking of Cap though, how different would that movie have been at it's very core had they cast a black actor as Steve Rodgers? How many social issues would they have had to tackle head on or look silly for straight up ignoring? His back story could almost be untouched, just take on a more poignant element for the fact that not only are big, dumb jocks getting him down for being too weedy to do well... Most anything really, but society itself is telling him he's a second class citizen. So this runty little guy with no prospects whatsoever decides the only way he can make anything of himself is by joining the army. Literally, the only way.

Of course, this is where the movie could perhaps borrow a lot of elements from the backstory of Isaiah Bradley, an African American who was part of a test program to recreate the super soldier program during World War II. Now you might ask why not just make a movie about Isaiah Bradley, then? Because I think there's something inherently more interesting about the government choosing to test their maiden voyage with this project on minorities, and then rolling it out to get their golden haired, blue eyed, perfect Aryans and other assorted pretty white boys once they knew it was safe. The problem with Isaiah Bradley is he's never going to have the same impact as Captain America, because they already have their perfect product. If that initial experiment that Thorin Oakenshield was so discourteous to disrupt with explosions had only produced a single, solitary super soldier - And he was a person of colour? Well, where does the American government go from there?

Can they still use him as a propaganda piece like they did with Rodgers in the movie? Or do they just package him off on secret, behind enemy lines mission and be content they have a pretty powerful weapon in the war - Just one they'd rather not everybody see! You also have to wonder what Cap himself would do. Would he just roll with whatever his military superiors told him to do, or choose to use his new found power and influence to fix some things at home as well as abroad? There's a great sentiment in the first Captain America movie, where after a life of being pushed around and watching other people be pushed around, Steve Rodgers has dedicated the rest of his days to fighting bullies big and small and sees very little difference between Red Skull and his cronies and the big, dumb guys who made his own life hell other than the scale on which they work. What happens when the people who made your life hell have the law on their side in some circumstances? Hrm. 

Now, I just want to be clear I'm not advocating that this movie should be made. I personally find the idea fascinating, and if pulled off well it would definitely be a thought provoking and potentially eye opening piece. But for somebody who's favourite superhero movie so far is, indeed, Captain America the first, it wouldn't really make for a good punchy, dynamic comic book action movie. Plus I'm a big fan of keeping characters true to their source material on a basic level, I like all the core elements and broad brush strokes to be there to make the character recognisable, while film makers can go wild on the less important things. I just think that when it comes to race? If changing it is a big deal or not really does depend on the extent it effects the character. 

Nobody is going to care if Aquaman isn't white. Heck, with the casting of native Hawaiian Jason Momoa as the king of Atlantis I think we're going to confirm that for a fact very soon indeed. He's Atlantean, he could technically be any colour he liked. But when you start messing with characters who have very strong connections to a certain culture, time period or geographical area? Then things start getting tricky, as you risk changing that character beyond recognition. The most obvious examples are the minority characters that already exist to try to bring some diversity to the titles, but if we want to step back to the Fantastic Four, think about Doctor Doom. He's the ruler of a small, Eastern European country through hereditary ties, could he really be anything else than what he is and still have it believable? 

At the end of the day though, it's all about one thing - Casting the best man or woman for the job at any given time, and if comic book movies can keep that up? Like they did with Sam Jackson, Michael C. Duncan and Idris Elba? Yeah, I can be a happy bunny and not get too pent up about this issue. Of course, if they don't, I choose less to think of it as an example of 'forced token casting' ruining our movies, and more just flat out bad casting period. I hope whatever happens with the new Fantastic Four movie, Michael B. Jordan is able to prove he's anything but that. 

Adventures in Loot! Month one: Transform!

So, while I was in hospital, during one of my prolonged stages of utter boredom, a friend posted a link to a very curious website with a very curious concept. That website is Loot Crate, and the service they provide is a subscription based package where you hand them money (of course!) and in return they send you a box packed to the gills with hand picked nerd themed curios from a variety of organisations. My interest was piqued, but I thought there was no way I was ever going to be able to afford to even try this out, what with this being an American outfit and myself living in dear old blighty. But much to my surprise, the prices, even combined with international shipping, weren't that unreasonable and looking at past crates on the website that contained t-shirts and Funko figures it seemed that even though each one had its fair share of filler nonsense (more on that later!) these things could definitely be worthwhile. So I signed up. Then I waited.

The waiting period was a curious thing in and of itself. It's clear that Loot Crate are really striving to build a community around them, as I received weekly newsletters containing news they thought might interest me and of course, status updates on the crate itself. The specifics are kept under wraps, but what they do let you know is what the big, flashy item is going to be (in this case, a t-shirt) and the general theme. This months was TRANSFORM, so no prizes for guessing what the main thrust was going to be.

I suppose you could also pick up on some of the things involved in the smaller crate by what they tell you is coming in the Mega Crate. That being the prize sent to the home of one subscriber every month that contains hundreds of dollars worth of stuff. But I wasn't really interested in fishing for clues, I was more interested in cracking open the box

And today, much to my surprise, it arrived!

Have to admit,considering all the menagerie of things they show coming out of it on their website? I expected it to be bigger. But you know what they say about good things and small packages, so let's have a look!

You'll note that I wasn't joking when I said 'rammed to the gills' and it looks like we've got some cool Transformers stuff in there at least (surprise!), let's dig straight into the main event.

T-shirt! I may have mentioned before that I love t-shirts, it's something of an addiction of mine, but I can also be incredibly picky about what I put on my chest. I did expect to have to forlornly sigh say 'Well, it's nice but it's not for me...' but thankfully that's not the case here. I've actually seen this design before, and almost bought it in the past. I never did, but that's largely because I have a much more clever design of a TARDIS transforming into Optimus Prime with a bow-tie, but this is still really cool and will compliment the Doctor Who one perfectly. Clearly I now need mash up's of time machines and transformers to wear every day of the week... H.G. Wells Time Machine Prime, anyone? 

And then we have this! This is where I think I come to understand Loot Crate's business model a little more. I'm going to need time and a couple more boxes to verify, but going off their website a lot of their crates seem to involve these blind boxes, or pieces that are part of a wider collection, so this is almost like a geek sampler menu. You liked that one? Well, if you look on the back of the box... Still, I don't blame them. I think it's clever really. I'm a chronic collector, I had to pull myself back from collecting the Doctor Who Titan blind boxes because I'd go mad. But for people looking for that thrill of the chase, this is a great way to hook them in and make them aware of what's out there. For me though, I just want a cool vinyl robot.

And cool vinyl robot success! I have to admit, I'm not a huge Transformers fan so I have no idea who this is - And honestly, given the style they've rolled with only the very distinct bots like Prime, Bumblebee and Megatron really stand out and look much different from the others going by the box art of them. But he's pretty well made and sturdy for a figure of his size, and it's nice to see he has accessories that actually fit in his hand and look good while he's holding them too. Great head and joint movement as well, left arm is a little loose but you can at least get the poses you want out of it. Even though, obviously, the range of poses is limited. 

And here's the bone fide Transformers stuff all together. As you can see there's a pretty decent sticker back there (apparently there's a Decepticon one too, some people getting one, others the other - Not all crates are created equal!) and a nice little badge and then there's... Um... This...

I've got to be honest with you, this is the most what the feck item in the entire crate. It took me a good five-ten minutes pawing at the packaging and then finally getting it out and prising it open to figure out what it actually did (I didn't discover there was a booklet at the bottom of the box explaining *everything* that was inside until after I'd done this, because I'm clever that way) and when I did I was kind of disappointed. What you see here is a Hexbug, and it's kind of like our friend the blind boxed figure above in that it's one of a set. Basically you flick a switch and it vibrates to the point where it can charge across flat surfaces and then veer dangerously off kitchen work surfaces. Basically the kind of tacky kids toy that Transformers staked it's name on, with the option to get more than one and battle them against each other - Presumably by turning them on and hoping then ram into each other rather than spiral off towards your shoes on an out of control suicide mission. Initially I did kind of tilt my head and wonder if this was really the kind of thing I needed in my life, then I found a flat surface...

And the little kid in me realised there's at least a good couple of hours of fun to be had in this! Not least in dropping it on unsuspecting people and watching them jump out of their skin as this big, vibrating plastic bug suddenly invades their lives.

Glorious.

And then we get down to the aforementioned filler.

MLG nonsense and some Warheads! For those of you unfamiliar with MLG, they're an E-Sports promoter who I mostly know as being associated with Starcraft 2 tournaments but also broadcast and organise events and teams for a variety of games. I think the cross promotion aspect is nice, I know they did something with Polaris last month and I love those guys so I don't mind this in principle, but on the other hand I'm not really all that interested in competitive gaming so these do nothing for me. Still, if anybody wants a black sweat band for any reason whatsoever... I've got your back!

As for the Warheads, not had them in years! Can't remember if they're sold in the UK any more, but if people want to send me sour candy? I am all for this! Plus, who doesn't love candy that comes with health warnings?!

Overall impressions? Not too shabby. I know I'm going to get some joy out of most of the Transformers themed stuff, and to be honest that t-shirt feels so well made and has such a nice design that I think it's practically worth the box price alone. I think the greatest shame with this one though, is that the theme was 'Transform' and yet there was nothing really in the box that lived up to it. Nothing with multiple functions, or changed colour or even... Say... Changed from a robot into a car? The closest you get is the War Heads, which having just put one in my mouth - Holy crap they have a sour kick when you first throw them in! But they soon settle down to something sweet and very enjoyable. I suppose what I'm trying to say is rather than just cherry picking stuff with the Transformers logo on it, a little more creativity and thinking outside the box for things to put in the box could've made this theme something really special.

Still, not a bad start! We'll have to see what fresh delights next month brings!

From Cover to Cover: Northern Lights/The Golden Compass

Hello and welcome back to From Cover to Cover! I know last month I said I was going to be reading The Fountain Society, but there's been a slight change of plan. You see that book isn't available electronically, and getting a hold of a physical copy in the hospital was a mite difficult so I decided to push it back a little. Awfully sorry, Theron. I promise to get right on that next month. In fact, it is ordered and on the way! In the meantime I've decided to take a recommendation from my gorgeous and talented friend, Wanderlust Smith, an extremely talented and gorgeous alternative model who's work you can check out over here.

I've actually had this book lying on my shelf for years, but never got around to reading it, and as there's no better opportunity than an extended hospital stay for catching up with your own personal library, this seemed like a great time to finally get to it!

Northern Lights, or The Golden Compass in the United States, was first published in 1995 as the first book of the His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman. It takes place in another world where the souls of humans are outwardly expressed by animal companions called daemons, and follows Lyra, a young girl under the care of scholars at Jordan University, Oxford. When her best friend, Rodger the kitchen boy, is taken by a group known only as the Gobblers, she vows to save him. Soon she is swept up in an epic journey to Arctic North, where she encounters a host of colourful characters, must escape the manipulative clutches of the devious Miss Coulter and discover the mysteries that lie behind Dust. The strange substance that both Miss Coulter, and her stoic uncle Lord Asriel, are so obsessed by. Oh, and it has armoured bears. And they're awesome!

I'm going to be referring to this book as Northern Lights, mainly because that's the name of the book I read, but also because the reason behind the name change in the US is kind of dumb.You see, originally Philip Pullman was going to name his trilogy The Golden Compasses which gave the US publisher impression that the first book was titled The Golden Compass, singular. Apparently they were so taken by this name, that even after Pullman changed the overarching title to His Dark Materials, they still insisted on using the name because they liked it. Way to support brand cohesion there, guys. I suppose it especially gets to me because, technically, there isn't even a compass in the book, no matter how much the film wanted to re-brand the alethiometer as one.

Naming issues aside, this book is an astounding read, especially on a technical level. It introduces us to a world that is like our own, perhaps stepped back in time a century or so, yet manages to establish its more fantastical elements effortlessly. It doesn't take long for daemons to seem like the most natural thing in the world, so much so that I can't help but feel that perhaps I'm in the wrong world and should, by rights, be in one where I have a daemon of my own, as it sounds wonderful. By the time we get into the realm of witches and armoured bears that talk and have opposable thumbs, well, it all feels perfectly sane and reasonable within the world that Pullman has built. In fact my only quarrel with these elements falls with the witches in particular, and that's more because I'm not sure what purpose they serve story wise other than to swoop in at opportune/inopportune moments to sweep the plot along. But at least I have no trouble accepting them as part of this world, and they do add an interesting wrinkle to the deamon dynamic.

Pullman builds his world well, and doesn't really bog down the book explaining the politics, or the geography, or the culture of anything that isn't immediately being dealt with at the time. This, I feel, is a bit of a double edged sword. On the one hand it means you become acquainted enough with Gyptian or Pasternore to follow along but it also means that if you try and branch out and focus on the world at large from snippets overheard from scholars, explorers, Coulter and Asriel, you can almost drown in the layers of detail there. Because even though Pullman doesn't force the politics and geography of the world into your face, it's obvious he's put a lot of thought into it. Characters discuss regions we never see, they mention rebellions, wars, the politics of far off nations. It all makes the world seem terribly fleshed out, but at the same time doesn't rely on the crutch of exposition. If anything, Pullman has his characters talk about the world as we would talk about our own, and that's a fairly impressive thing to pull off because writers can become so eager to build their world, that they fall into the trap of giving us a hand held guided tour of it just to make sure we appreciate the work they put in. And that's fine, but unless you're a tourist paired up with a very overeager local, that's not how the world really works.

These layers extend right down to the subtext, this is a novel that I think can be as deep as you want it depending on how much you're willing to peel back. The various orders of power and institute in the book are definite nods to organised Christianity, I'd single out the Catholic church because they seem obsessed with doing strange things to children, but none of them seem to have nearly enough dogma for it. On the face of it they're obsessed with the control of free thought and control and suppression of information (like most church like figures in fiction ever) but Pullman goes deeper, and soon the novel is brushing against the idea of sexual mutilation of young children for religious ends and the idea of his mysterious substance, Dust and the Daemons themselves being tied into the process of puberty and sexual progression. Something the various churches of the world have always tried to control with an iron fist.

I've heard it suggested that Lyra is a Christ like figure, coming into the world to shake the foundations of old time religion and show them a better way. But I don't think this is the case. Lyra and her companions seem more representative of free thought, innocence, knowledge, all the kinds of freedoms the church seek to repress. The Gyptians are travellers who go where they please, look after their own business and try to pay nobody any mind or trouble unless they're being paid mind or trouble themselves. The scholars at Jordan dedicate their life to guarding and passing on knowledge. Lee Scoresby is a freewheeling traveller and Iorek Byrnison and the other bears trust their inbuilt morality and instincts and are stronger for it - Both of whom are true to themselves and their needs, above external influences.

These characters sit in stark contrast to Miss Coulter and the other antagonists, who don't seem particularly content with their lot and are driven by things they're told, either by superiors such as the staff of Bolvangar, or by ancient texts and belief systems that they squander their life and their considerable power to try and interpret or fulfil. Yet, while the characters in this book are generally strong, believable and a joy to read about if there is an issue I take with the novel, it is with the characters.

First of all is Lyra. I think on the whole she's a great character, she's very obviously a child and in over her head, but through ignorance and sheer bullheadeness seems to pull through situations most adults would crumble in. I don't even really mind that she seems overly adept at picking up new skills. It was established from the off she is a bright child, she just needs an exciting way to learn for it to sink in and what's more exciting than an adventure across the world while being the focus of the biggest manhunt in history? What I don't like is that she always seems to be in the right place at the right time, and while much of this story is about destiny and fate and I'm sure you could shrug that off as such, it does become a little brow creasing when she just so happens to leave a party at just the right time for events to happen. Or bursts out of a place at exactly the right time to be saved. In a novel where the narrative is so rich and the story flows so well, these instances stand out in my head because they just bring it all to a juddering, clunking halt.

The other issue is that having reached the end of the book... I don't think I have all that much vested interest in the antagonists any more. Mrs. Coulter never really hooked me in the first place, the most dangerous and shocking thing about her was her monkey, and as for the other antagonist of the book - He was built up as a mysterious, complex character with his own secrets and his own agenda. Turned out he was as much of a spoilt child as Coulter herself, so used to getting his own way simply because he wanted it that he'd break the universe to please his own whims. I suppose it's my own fault. I built him up in my mind, then he turned out to be a much more basic and unlikeable character than I thought.

To scoring then! Northern Lights is a novel that's rich and deep with detail and subtext, the characters are fantastic, the story flows well and it has surprisingly dark edges but then, I suppose it was written as the anti-Narnia so that's to be expected. This is one that I'm sure most have read already, but if you haven't it's definitely worth a look! Four out of five monkeys.

Next week, we'll hopefully be back on track for the Fountain Society!

Life in the slow lane.

So I've decided to open this up again and get a little personal, if only because I think what I'm going through now is fairly interesting and not an experience I'm likely to forget in a hurry.  A few blogs back you might remember I noted that I was currently in hospital for a rather lengthy period and had a little rant on how depressing it is for an able bodied person to be penned up in such an instituion. Well, if I wanted too I could come at it from the other side as I'm no longer an able bodied person. But I think it would be far more interesting to talk about the circumstances that led to me becoming less able bodied than I was.

As you may remember I noted that I had a pacing device with an infection clinging to the leads. As the unit and the leads are forgien bodies, the natural defences of the body that travel through the blood are useless in fighting anything on them because they don't have their own bloodstream. After much debating, ruminating, beard scratching and other phrases denoting 'We're very conflicted and confused and need to talk and think long and hard about this' the doctors decided there was only one option. It had to come out.

Easy enough, right? They put it in there no problem, so they can take it out the same. Well, in ordinary circumstances I'm sure the answer to that question is yes, no problem whatsoever. But there was a unique little complication in my case. While they installed the pacemaker itself in November, the leads? They'd been inside me for a good twenty years. Meaning they were freaking old, and deeply embedded.

The operation to get them out is fairly fascinating to hear about. I can tell you it wasn't a particularly fun ride to go through, and I'm sure the surgeons would have liked to do something far less complicated, but it was fascinating to hear about before and afterwards nonetheless. What they eventually decided on doing was going in via the site they'd installed the pacing unit before. Then they took out the pacing box itself and followed the path of the wires, covering them in little tubes as they went. From there they used a laser scalpel to cut into the areas where the wires were, rather literally, screwed into the skin and pulled the entire wire back along the tubes.

Yes. You read that right. Laser scalpels! I may have lost all claim to being a cyborg for a little while, having had my mechanical bits removed, but at the very least I can say I was operated on using lasers!

From here on out, it's just a matter of recovery and infection control. But during that period I'm living with the biggest change of my life. For the first time in over twenty years, I'm without any kind of pacing unit whatsoever, and by God does it feel like it! I've gone from longing for somewhere, anywhere to roam and wander that's not hospital or university, to just being glad I can shuffle across to the bathroom in the morning and have a shower. I am slowed down. Significantly. And the idea of taking it easy has taken on a whole new level.

It's a really curious and disconcerting thing, when you have to think about every little thing you're doing and weigh up the potential gain of doing it against how much it's going to drain what little energy you have. Even writing this blog, I find myself pausing, tilting my head to the side and collecting my thoughts before carrying on. It's not that I'm finding it exhausting, but it seems like even my thought processes have slowed a little bit, and of course my fingers on the keyboard only know one speed - And it's not terribly slow.

Apparently they want to wait at least a couple of weeks before they reinsert any kind of device, and it's going to be an interesting and I imagine very frustrating time for me. On the one hand it's going to be very hard for me to have to keep conciously weighing every single action I do against some potential discomfort and extra strain, but on the other, considering what they did to me I'm very lucky to be in the condition I am. I'm off intensive care, back on a normal human ward, and feel generally better than when they turned my pacemaker down for a trial run at this. Back then all I wanted was for them to turn it back on, to save me from the pit of misery they'd thrown me in. Right now, though? As uncomfortable as this is, I think I can stick it out for as long as I need too. Providing it all stays as fine and dandy as it has this weekend.

It's a trudge, make no mistake, but it's all just that one little step closer to going home, and let me tell you, I can't wait.

A Brave New World: The Japanese Devil Fish Girl

The War of the Worlds is a science fiction masterpiece by H.G. Wells, and do I really need to say anymore? If you haven't read the book, you've seen one of the movies, or listened to the rather superb (and in many ways emotionally and arguably narritively superior) Jeff Wayne rock opera, or perhaps you've read a comic or played the RTS game I mentioned in another blog - Either way, if you were presented with a vague, tripod like alien with metal tentacles swirling around it's flat hood like head you'd know what it is and where it came from. As such, The War of the Worlds has attracted many retellings over the years, many adaptations, but also many quasi-sequels.

I didn't really discover this fact on purpose, it was more a fact of the supposed sequels finding me over the years and not me actively looking for them, but when I saw how many there were some part of my hospital addled brain decided I needed to read them. So I'm going to share with you the results! These will be special little footnote editions of From Cover to Cover, where I take each book and examine how the two sides of the war for London town fared after the original novel, how these novels stack up as the sequels to the original they present themselves as and perhaps, most importantly, how they stack up as books in their own right. So let's get started with our first candidate, The Japanese Devil Fish Girl.

Authored by noted humourist and proprietor of far fetched fiction Robert Rankin, The Japanese Devil Fish Girl and Other Unnatural Attractions was published in 2011. It takes place a decade after War of the Worlds (at least, it says it does but in reality seems to play fast and loose with the novels time line to suit its own ends), where the British Empire has not only managed to backwards engineer Martian technology for their own use, but also signed trade agreements and diplomatic alliances with emissaries from Venus and Jupiter. The story follows George Fox, a side show Zany (he prefers the term assistant) to an eccentric show man. Their main attraction, a dead, but anatomically whole Martian, is rotting fast and they need something fresh, new and exciting to pull in the Rubes. This leads them on a quest to find the single most awe-inspiring attraction on Earth - The legendary Japanese Devil Fish Girl.

How does mankind fare in this world post alien contact? As it turns out, extraordinary well. The novel most certainly presents us with a situation where man is on top again, or at the very least, the British Empire is. Having mastered Martian space travel and the terrifying might of the heat ray for their own use, the Empire has raised the one and only spaceport in the world next to Crystal Palace. They also have exclusive rights to intergalactic trade and diplomatic routes, leaving the rest of the world cold, and access to all the kinds of technology you'd expect in a steampunk novel. From airships, to steam cars, to the early onset of electricity, even the mighty Tesla coil makes an appearance. For some reason the fashion of small, accessorised goggles and cumbersome brass corsets has also caught on... But more on that later.

As for the Martians? Exterminated. Gone. Dust. The fact that they mounted a similar attack on Venus at the end of the original novel is either glossed over or forgotten, and I can only assume that that the Venusians repelled their advances and forced them back to their red orb, where the British Empire finally put the boot in. The solution to the problem of further invaders from Mars is possibly one of the highlights of the book. It's cold, it's callous and it's... Kind of genius in it's own way, and the historical figure that came up with it adds a nice little cherry on the cake.

When it comes to the themes and ideas that the novel brought over from the original, I can only shrug and say not many. The chapters are short, much like in the original, and there are Martians. The heat ray is about the only part of the mighty Martian armament that makes a return, with the Empire deciding instead to stick to the wheel and employ much clunkier airships than the Martian flying machines they had supposedly cracked. Wells' book is treated as a historic document, and the one theme I was surprised to see it pick up was the damning of Imperialism and the inward looking selfishness of the Empire that prompted Wells to originally write the book. Of course, being a humourous title a lot of that is there in the form of jokes and ribbing at the United Kingdom's perhaps chequered past, but still. It is there.

So, how good is this novel as a sequel? Honestly, not very. If you're looking for an absurd, steampunk tale that encompasses Wells' material but could just as easily not have done, you might enjoy this. If you're genuinely curious on Rankin's perspective of what might have happened after the Martian invasion, don't bother. The toughest thing for me to swallow is Rankin's insistence that the British Empire backwards engineered Martian space travel in less than a decade. I only find this unbelievable because... Well, the Martians literally shot a cannister through space. I suppose with enough time and research and some wonderfully fantastic minds behind the project you could backwards engineer a gun from the bullet fired from it, but I find it incredibly unlikely.

The technology in general has more in common with standard steampunk fare than anything in War of the Worlds, which is a shame as the presentation of how everything the Martians brought to Earth was carefully considered and wholly it's own. There's a reason the tripod with it's human collecting cage and flashing box like heat ray and whipping, writhing tentacles has become so iconic, and it's a shame Rankin chose not to take advantage of this and instead cling onto something we've seen a million times before. I suppose you could excuse this by saying the technological ideas came from the other alien races he introduces, but we see their technology later in the book and it resembles nothing humanity has come up with either.

Speaking of those aliens, they are another great shame. While Wells' vision of a giant brain on tentacles that sought subsistence from the blood of other beings may enter the realm of 'squint really hard and you can believe it's possible' in scientific terms, at least it's a wholly inhuman and different take on alien life. Not so with the men from Venus and Jupiter. They're you're standard humanoids with bits on, and even though I know the whole enterprise is a wacky comedy novel, considering the book it preports to follow I can't help find the execution of these elements lazy. More just another steampunk book cashing in on the trend than bringing anything new or interesting as a follow up.

The question is, does it fare any better as a book in it's own right? And to be honest, I think the term 'lazy' can be applied across the board. Lazy humour. Lazy integration of historical figures. And a lazily plotted story where all the twists can be seen a mile away.

 The humour of the book relies mostly on running gags, glib asides and the forceful integration of the modern into the Victorian Age. The problem is that for me, the majority of them completely missed the mark. I didn't find many of the running gags funny the first time they appeared, so to see them again and again drove me to frustration. The glib asides were either so glib or so overt that their effect was lost and as for the modernisms, I felt they could have been handled better. To draw comparison to Terry Pratchett, the key to his success is that while he writes satire of very modern concepts, he never lets that satire break the believability of his world. He takes the time and effort to weave these concepts into something that you can believe would be a part of his universe, but is still recognisable for what it really is. Rankin instead relies on the sudden, often jarring, insertion of a very modern concept and perhaps wishes to take the reader off guard or make them laugh at the absurdity of it. All it did was take me out of the book, especially the customs and immigration joke which made me groan and want to punch the page everytime I had to suffer through it.

But humour is subjective. What I find groansome, others may find side-splitting, so let's instead focus on how Rankin treats his historical figures. Slap-dashly, is the word (sort of!) that comes to mind. After having read the Burton and Swinburne series, novels which take great pains to use both persons of interest and noteworthy events (such as the downing of the Royal Charter in a storm or the Tichborne affair)  of the period and even the writing styles of authors who appear in the pages to tell an original story. Mark Hodder takes great care to link his characters together, and use actual events with brand new explanations and twists to bring his novels to life and ignite your curiosity about the era. Rankin takes a 'history is bunk' approach and uses figures who are long dead, with no explanation but the one I just gave, and throws them at us with new twists that never come to anything. Joesph Merrick, as Jack the Ripper, for example is only mentioned in passing and when a murder happens on the airship they are travelling on him with it is never linked back to him. Indeed, he is never mentioned again. Hitler also appears as a surly wine waiter. Why? Because Adolf Hitler in a pedestrian and subservient role is funny, I suppose. I would not even take issue with this, but there are so many historical persons living lives long past the ones they are due and it is never tied or factored into the actual story, it just exists as one of the many, tiresome long running jokes.

But the real reason I can't recommend this book is purely down to the writing. It's not atrocious, most certainly not, and it doesn't outstay it's welcome. The book is a breezy read, and has just enough going on to keep you interested, but as I said before the plot is predictable and the style it's written in does nothing for me. The worst offender is Rankin's continuing insistence of using terms like 'George did many sighings' or 'Ada did crossings of her arms' instead of 'George sighed' or 'Ada crossed her arms'. It perhaps seems innocuous to you and like I'm being nit-picky, but seeing it over and over and applied to turns of phrase that it clearly doesn't suit simply drove me batty by the end. The characters are also wholly uninteresting for the most part. Caricatures of famous historical figures that are drenched in nudge-nudge wink-wink hints to their future and the main characters of George and Ada, while initially charming, became gradually more boring as the novel progressed. As for Professor Coffin, I was intrigued and interested in the spritely old man at first, but he soon became a pantomime villain and Rankin couldn't quite make him as detestable as he wanted too. Even in the end, I was almost rooting for him. Almost.

Down to rating it is, then. Pretty simple and cut and dry to be honest. While initially charming and with some moments that made me smile, this book just needed more work. More work in every possible aspect to bring it up to the standard that it's premise, and supposed connections, promise. More damning though, is the fact that it's a book that thinks the use of the word 'wee-wee' and dung throwing are funny enough for multiple appearances. Which should tell you all you need to decide if the humour is for you.

Two out of Five Monkeys.